im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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