a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Do vagina's smell?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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