I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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