Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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