I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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