when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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