come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Randomize
