some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
