Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
