I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
