Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
party gras won. party gras always wins.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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