well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
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