let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
