Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I can feel your judgement through the phone
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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