I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
im about as happy as oj after his trial
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
