I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
