She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
