And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
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