I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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