i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
