so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
