My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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