I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize