We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
