i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
