dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
