Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
