...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
