Umm I'm too high to move.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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