this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
