I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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