meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
