so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
