Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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