so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Randomize
