ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
