Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
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