i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I think pants incapable of making pants work
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
