life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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