From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
