Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I need moral support for this bender
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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