turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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