Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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