so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Randomize
