Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
