She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Randomize
