You can't special order awesome
if only i could text you this smell
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
