your parents love me but you hate me
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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