My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
