I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i barfeds in our rink
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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