Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
