I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
