Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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