I feel great
I just peed on a car
they need to just BURY HIM!
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
