The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
