I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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