: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
My balls are so social today.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Randomize
