Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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