Welp...herpes.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
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