After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
