My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
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