You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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