About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
