This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i just had sex bonerless
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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