I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
