I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
