Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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