i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
where does the pee come out of this thing
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
