It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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