nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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