dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
